But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside down
But I only hear you breathe
Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside down
But it's only when I sleep
 
Interlude... Are you having fun? Chos! Hahaha! Game for my next post.
 
That day that I post the previous post “The Untold Story”, my angel, visited me in my dreams, again, after a very long long time. Siguro he’s trying to tell me that “stop the guilt, stop blaming yourself, shit happens. And remember what I taught you? Always look at the bright side of every story even how sad it is” (si mr. Brightside kasi yun e.)
 
Ayun, gabigabi nanaman sya nasa panaginip ko na parang it’s so real na parang he’s just beside me. Errr. Syempre nakakamiss lang kase hanggang panaginip ko nalang sya nakakasama. Pero di naman nya ko sinusundo. No worries .Haha! as far as I can remember sa dreams ko, he’s always telling me that he wants me to be happy and live the life as happy as I could. Sabi pa nya, di man ako yung first love nya, pero ako yung last love nya until his last breath. Tapos nagising nako, naiyak nanaman ako. Hahaha. Lagi pa nya ko sinasabihan nung buhay pa sya “oi iyaking bata tigilan mo na pagiging iyakin mo, sino magpupunas nyan pag wala ako sa tabi mo” SYEEEET! Hirap ng ganto. naletgo ko naman na sya pero syempre parte na sya ng buhay ko. Siguro nga some good things will never last forever and those good things will be part of your memories nalang, and yes, he will always be my sweetest memory. 
 
 
Huy angel, tama na, ano ka baaaa? Tama na muna kakadalaw sa kin, di ba ko mabait kaya mo ko dinadalaw? Haha! Tama na muna, namimiss kasi kita. Di ka naman nawawala sa kin e, ikaw first love ko diba? Hehe. Ange, gusto ko din maging masaya habang andito pa ko sa mundong ibabaw)magkikita pa naman tayo soon e, per not as soon as now. Miss na kita, wag ka muna dumalaw ha. Medyo mahirap e))alam mo namang attached akong tao. Pero as promised papakabait ako habang andito pa ko)
 
 
There were times na ganito lalo na pag malapit na anniversary namin papakita yan sa panaginip, since nasa mama nya yung urn nya at wala ako madalaw na puntod, ipagtitirik ko nalang sya ng kandila. 
 
i wanna dance and love and dance again ))
Posted by averylljoyce on March 23, 2020 at 09:58 PM | watchathink?
Hello tabulas!! You’ve known me since 2005. Wala lang. You've been my only friend when I don't wanna talk. Arte e no? HAha

 

Sooo, kamusta na nga ba ko? Eto working na for more than a decade now. So looking back, okay naman na. Masaya naman ako

 

So looking back, puro tungkol sa first love pala mga posts ko no? Hahaha! Sige pag usapan natin ang tungkol sa first love uli. Haha! Memapost lang uli e no?

Anyway, di ko ata nakwento sa yo kung ano nangyari kay first love ko after every heartaches na posts ko. Hahaha! 

Sige, Just a very quick recap sa love story namin, we’re bestfriends na nainlove sa isa’t isa. Kilala nyo ba sina Palits at Bru?(Close to You movie Bea and JLC) Ayun relate na relate kami dun haha lalo na yung scene na "Bakit pag sinabi ko bang I love you sasabihin mong I love you too?" "OO!" Huy,  di namin ginaya yung movie ha, totoong sinabi nya din yun sa kin. Haha! Ayun, bukod sa dota at pag aaral, ako ang buhay nya. Chos! Hahaha! Nagpakiputan, nagkaaminan, nagkatampuhan,selos dito, selos dun, pareho kami seloso at selosa pero mas seloso sya hahaha) ilang beses din kami naghiwalay pero wala e, our love really leads us back to each other arms. sweet no? Haha.  We dream and built  our future together. Na pagkagraduate ko, we’ll get married and pagiipunan namin pareho yung magiging  bahay namin dito sa Pilipinas. Hindi lang yun, pati bahay ng magulang ko, nangungupahan lang kasi kami, tutulungan nya daw ako mag ipon pati sa tuition ng kapatid ko. 

Pero unang tatlong buwan namin, sinubok na agad pagmamahalan namin, kailangan nyang magstop sa pag aaral para tulungan mama nya sa gastusin sa mga kapatid nyang nag aaral at lumalaki na. Umalis sya papuntang Qatar. Araw araw nya ko nililigawan even after ko sya sagutin, na kahit malayo sya at magkaiba ang GMTs namin, he really sees to it na bago ako magising, may message syang napakahaba na sobrang swerte nya, sobrang love nya ko yung mga ganun. At  hihintayin nya ko gumising bago sya matulog masabi nya lang na "good morning, babyangel ko, ingat sa school, kain mabuti, aral mabuti, mahal kita. Pangako, babalik ako at ihaharap kita sa altar. Tiis lang tayo, mag iipon lang ako." Walang palya yun arawaraw kaya saulo ko na)

Fast forward sa graduation ko,edi sobrang excited na sya makasama ako, syempre ako din naman. nag ipon sya ng pang uwi nila ni mama nya para mamanhikan nadaw. E nashokot ang lola mo, di tinanggap ang proposal, though ang nasa isip ko naman kasi talaga parang ayoko pa iwanan magulang ko at feeling ko ambata pa namin masyado para ikasal. I was 19, sya naman 18. Okay back to the proposal, di di ko nga tinanggap pa. Sabi ko di pa ko ready, nagalit sya sa kin sabi nya, pano, bakit e planado na lahat. Bumaha ng luha nun. Di nya maintindihan yung point ko na gusto ko naman talaga magkasama kami panghabangbuhay pero gusto ko muna ibuild up sarili ko alone. Anyway, after that iyakan at hagulgulan, di kami nag usap ng matagal  din e pero never sya nagfail na icheck ako through his sister. Arawaraw ako tinatawagan ng kapatid nya at alam kong nakikinig sya in the background kasi lagi umaaray yung kapatid nya kapag inaasar kami na kung may nanliligaw nang iba. Tapos sasabihin ng kapatid nya, ewan ko ba sa inyo, ang arte nyong dalawa e alam naman nating lahat kung gano nyo kamahal isa't isa. ARAAAY!KUYAAAA!)

Tapos ayun na nga, siguro after two months, he called me and asked kung pwede kami magkita, syempre namiss ng lola mo, nakipagkita, nauna sya sa coffee shop tapos pagdating ko andun sya sa usual spot namin, he has super sad eyes, napansin ko agad may benda kamay nya sabi ko “o ano nanaman ginawa mo sa sarili mo?”(ganun kasi sya sausuntok ng kung ano pag nasasaktan nya ko, minsan monitor nya, minsan cabinet ng nanay nya)  ngumiti lamg sya, Pero malungkot mga mata nya talaga. he ordered na pala my favorite pink drink, then he started holding my hand telling “angel sorry, sorry talaga, alam ko, alam ko naiintindihan ko kung bakit. Angel I have something to confess, ayoko sa iba mo malaman”, his tears started to fall, as I am listening, parang nabingi ako sa sinabi nya. “Angel, remember that night na nireject mo ko, angel nagbar kami, angel may nangyari, Angel I’m having a baby” natulala ako, tumulo luha, di humihinto ang mata ko parang gripo, bumitaw ako sa kamay nya ang nasabi ko lang nun was “enough “ pinigilan nya ko umalis, nag insist na ihahatid ako at baka daw kung ano mangyari sa kin sabi ko kaya ko sarili ko. 

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Sorry sya ng sorry di sya nabigong suyuin ako halos isang taon din yun na di ko sya kinakausap, pinapansin, pero syempre miss na miss ko na din sya. Arawaraw at mayamaya ako tinatawagan ni mama nya at kapatid nya. Nakikiusap na kausapin ko sya di daw kasi kumakain ng maayos. Di nakakatulog, laging nakakulong sa kwarto, nakatitig at kinakausap picture ko, haha! Ganda ko no?)))(Sorry na, namiss ko lang kasi). Sabi ng mama nya "Alam kong masakit yung nagawa nya sa yo, at alam ko rin na may kasalanan sya pero for once pwede nyo ba pag usapan? Mahal namin kayo pareho at pati sa yo nag aalala kami."Ayun, nakonsensya lola mo,kinausap, same place, same spot andun na sya, nagbrighten up mukha nya nung nakita nya ko. Sabi nya, ”angel inorder ko na.” Sabi ko dapat hindi na, di din naman ako magtatagal. Umiyak sya sabi nya “angel sana mapatawad mo ko, alam kong alam mo kung gano kita kamahal. At lagi mong tatandaan yun. Naaalala mo ba nung tinanong mo ko dati pano kung may nabuntis ako? Naalala mo sagot ko na ikaw padin papakasalan ko” sabi ko “naalala mo din ba sagot ko nun? Diba sabi ko papakawalan kita kahit masakit. Alam mo naman e. Alam mong ayokong tanggalan yung bata ng karapatan sa ama nya.“ tumulo na din luha ko."May kasalanan din naman ako sa yo angel e, alam kong di ako tumupad sa usapan natin (umiiling sya habang umiiyak"no angel, no") pero ito alam mong masasaktan ako pero nagawa mo. Di ko na alam angel kung ano nararamdaman ko ngayon, nakakamanhid, onting panahon lang naman hinihingi ko sa yo e tapos ganto. Siguro nga angel..." Tapos umalis nako. 

Lagi nya ko pinupuntahan sa office. Kung nasan ako andun sya. Lagi yun. Di sya nawawala. May flowers may chocolates, at yung singsing. Di na sya bumalik ng Qatar. Si mama nalang.

Until that night na lasing sya, nasa baba sya ng building. pagkababa ko, “Angel patawarin mo na ko di ko kaya mawala ka, mamatay ako” sabi ko “ano sabi ko sa yo? Wag ka magmomotor pag nakainom ka diba? Lalo na pag lasing ka? Bat andito ka ganyan itsura mo?” Uuwi na ko. Palipas ka muna ng gabi dito binilin na kita kay kuya guard.

 

December 29,2009, pagpasok ko. Wala na sya dun. Umalis na din daw pagkalipas ng ilang oras na umalis ako. Nag in ako, nagbukas ng pc mayamaya... pumutok AVR ko, sabay ring ng cellphone ko “Ate, si kuya” Tumigil mundo ko, di ko naabsorb masyado sinabi ng kapatid nya. (o baka ayaw lang iabsorb ng sistema ko) sabi ko nalang sa katabi ko “naaksidente daw sya kanina 50/50 daw sya.” Namanhid ako di ko alam mararamdaman ko. Deep inside sobrang sinisisi ko sarili ko.

January 3, 2010, 03:12 am, he died. because of me, because selfish ako, because pahabol ako, because di ko sya pinatawad. Because di ko tinanggap pagmamahal nya. Sobrang sakit nun, sising sisi ako. na parang gusto ko na din mawala. Ang gaga ko. Nung gabing nagdedeliryo na sya, pangalan ko padin daw binabanggit nya sabi ni mama nya, nung mga oras na yun kakauwi ko lang galing sa kanya, mababaw tulog ko, sabi ng kapatid ko na katabi ko matulog “ate, nananaginip ka kagabi, may inaabot ka, kalahating katawan mo nakataaas na. Natakot ako ate, niyakap kita, sabi ko kuya wag po” si kuya ba yung inaabot mo? Actually wala ako maalala. Pagod utak ko, pagod puso ko, pagod ako kakaiyak. Pagod ako sa sakit.

After he was cremated, nagigising ako ng 3:12am na may nakaupo sa paanan ko, lagi ko din naamoy yung pabangong bigay ko sa kanya. Nung una sabi ko baka dahil lang sa grief. Pero paulit ulit gabigabi ng 3:12am. Untiunti ko kinausap. Sabi ko, ”angel, rest ka na. Sorry dahil sa kaselfishan ko nangyari to, Sana di ka galit sa kin. pangako iingatan ko sarili ko, pangako iiingatan ko pamilya mo. Si mama at mga kapatid mo. Rest ka na angel, mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita. Maraming salamat sa pagmamahal, sising sisi ako di kita pintawad. Sising sisi ako di kita sinama umuwi. Sising sisi ako angel ko. Hintay mo ko dyn ha kahit matagal? Rest ka na. Patawarin mo ko. Mahal kita sobra” At ayun siguro tumagal ng 6months yun, gabi gabi ko sya kinakausap. Hanggang untiunti syang  nawala. Kahit papano hanggang kabilang buhay alam kong mahal na mahal nya ko. May mga oras din na nagigising ako. na parang may dumampi sa pisngi at labi ko.

First love never dies, yes. Kahit wala na sya, he will be in my heart, forever and always. Nagkaboyfriend naman nako, kaso si din nagtagal. Ewan ko, siguro kasi sinet ng angel ko yung mataas na standard na kayang magbago ng isang tao kahit gano pa sila kaloko basta nakita na nila sa taong mahal nila at masasabi nalang talaga na"SIYA NA, OKAY NA KO DITO, SIYA NA HABANGBUHAY" tama nga siguro si Katy Perry “comparisons are easily done once you’ve hadthe taste of perfection “

 Pag naalala ko tong kwentong to, sabi ko parang teleserye lang e, pero nangyari sa kin, wala talagang pinipili ang buhay. Siguro kaya di ko naikwento ng matagal kasi yung guilt na sa kin padin. 

Kaya kayo, wag na maginarte ha? Life is short, forgive quickly, kung mahal mo sabihin mo, wag na patagalin pa. You’ll never know what will happen tomorrow or maybe later 

Nga pala last na, the time he died 03:12 is equivalent to March 12 which is our Anniversary. Kung di ako nag inarte, 14years na kami dapat sa Thursday  hehe. 

Ayun si first love tinapos din nya sa heartache, totoong naging angel ko na sya. binawi sya ni Lord sa kin.



Posted by averylljoyce on March 10, 2020 at 10:56 AM | 4 pikaboo!:D

i feel ignored today..nothing i just felt it.sigh!)

drama kooooo)di lang ako pinansin ni crush eh))

pero di lang kase siya.kaloka!what's with this day?amft!i hate it

Posted by averylljoyce on August 10, 2012 at 12:46 AM | 2 pikaboo!:D

 

kapag ako ay nasasapian ng pagkamakata, kung ano ano naiisip ko.ahahaha!

 

 

Posted by averylljoyce on June 26, 2012 at 10:39 AM | watchathink?

Fallin’ in love?! Damn!!!

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure
But when you find new love, you will view the past as a teacher
In the game of love, it does not really matter who wins or loses.
What is important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go!

You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy,

 even if their happiness means that you've not part of it.
Everything happens for the best.
If the person you love doesn't love you back,

don't be afraid to love someone else again,

 for you'll never know unless you give it a try.

You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love.
Love strives in hurting.

In love you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.
Love doesn't hurt all the time

though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.
Don't find love… Let love find you.
That's why it's called falling in love
because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall.

You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
If you want to go on,

 then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages size.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress.
It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.

The greatest irony of love is letting go

 when you need to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go.
We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else

who can love us even more that we can love ourselves.

On falling out of love

 take sometime to heal and then get back on the horse.
But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.
To love is to risk rejection.

To live is to risk death.

 To hope is to risk failure.

 But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing!

To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your feelings is to expose true self.
To love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love:
Fall, but not stumble,
Be constant but not too persistent,
Share and be unfair,

Understand and try not to demand,
Hurt but never keep pain.

Love is like a knife.
It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images

 into the soul that always lasts for a lifetime.
Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling.
It should inspire you and give you joy and strength.
But sometimes the things that give you joy, can also hurt you in the end.
Loving people means giving them the freedom

who they choose to be and where they choose to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Posted by averylljoyce on June 8, 2012 at 11:25 PM | watchathink?

oops boredom strikes again, so here comes the camwhoreXP

 

but this time, the camwhore is newly hair dyed)and dry hair comes on the way.lol!because i saw a new hair color from the brand i'm using i bought it and let my hair done.i will just do some hair treatments this coming weekend so my hair would be alive and bouncing again:D ((kaARTIhan mode)sorry.lol!

 

 

the hair color is "Deep Ash Golden Blonde"(arti talaga.AHAHAHA!)

 

so how was it? does it fit me?haha!

 

and oh by the way my mom's the one who did it!

 

patayo nalang kaya ako ng salon?lol!

 

 

Currently listening to: cosmic love
Currently feeling: arti mode><
Posted by averylljoyce on May 31, 2012 at 05:28 PM | 1 pikaboo!:D

A once in a lifetime experience, made me scream my lungs out. The "Ian Somerhalder Penshoppe Tour in Manila" gave me a chance to see one of my ultimate crushes in the whole wide world!As in, it's like a different feeling to see HIM in person, it's like, i wanna faint when I saw those eyes personally it's like "daaaaaaaaaaamn!i wanna die because of too much "kilig"

He's such a adorable,lovely nothing less than PERFECTION!ahaha!sorry,big fan here but i don't praise him but this was a very unforgetable experience.

 

 

And I just can't believe that iI'm in this huge crowd pushing and bugging people  just to see his face.

And this picture from my camera really s*cks but i don't care, important thing is I've seen this International Person that I really adore

 

Another teenage dream come true

 

Thanks Penshoppe for bringing Ian in the Philippines <3

 

 

 

 

Posted by averylljoyce on May 25, 2012 at 01:17 AM | 2 pikaboo!:D

APRIL BABY
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.

#oohlala) ♥

 

-all of these kinda true?AHAHAHA!sige na nga di naman ako yung nagsabi eh, basta April baby ako..lol!

Currently listening to: wakin up in vegas
Posted by averylljoyce on May 16, 2012 at 10:26 AM | 2 pikaboo!:D
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